This time of year is especially challenging for many. Myself included.

Our traditions have us rushing around, buying gifts, preparing food, carrying the time, expense and responsibility to do so, and feeling the pressure to keep things the way they’ve always been. If this resonates, perhaps you carry on some traditions that really, when you look hard, don’t actually add to the Holiday Cheers and may in fact do the very opposite.

Our government recognizes certain “official” Holidays, where businesses must close and we get that coveted day off. Some companies close shop for a week between Christmas and New Year’s, giving you a smattering of days to cram in all the love, joy, time, and attention you can muster for those you care about – a sort of race against the calendar. Many spend too much, eat too much, give ourselves little-to-no quality time, then regret it, only to do it over and over again. Like clockwork.

We all want is to give more to ourselves and others. In our head it makes sense, but in reality, the practice is rather difficult. The fear of confrontation from other family members who want the big dinner and the gifts, getting caught in the whirl of the moment, or perhaps keeping up appearances. Year after year we host or arrive at these events, exhausted, riding on empty, striving to keep up, with no one ever really wanting to admit they are more done than dinner! We all try to squeeze as much as we can, but get little juice; certainly not enough to fill us up long term.

Frankly, I prefer to spread my joy over the entire year. And I definitely prefer to buy the occasional gift when I feel inspired, not because of some designated Holiday indicator.

So, I decided to scale back Christmas a few years ago. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Prior to that, there were many years of Crazy. Traveling to Toronto, packed to the gills, come hell or high water, we would drive in all sorts of weather, determined to continue the “tradition”. No one in my family ever pressured me, I was putting pressure on myself. Back then I didn’t even think of it, I just did it. The gifts, the stockings, turkey, the baking, and more. Thank God there were a lot of leftovers that I could reheat for myself because I was too exhausted by the end of it all. Then, it was tree down on New Year’s Day, a bit of recovery time (if I was lucky) then on to start planning and executing the next holiday.

This new approach is far from perfect, but it is certainly an improvement. Let’s call it a work in progress. With our Covid reality in mind, there will be 5 of us around the table this year, including my grand dog and possibly a straggler or two. Not on Christmas Day, but on a day between Christmas and New Year’s, yet to be determined. In the spirit of this alternative approach, gifts are not encouraged, but if given, are minimal, meaningful, and please! within everyone’s actual budget! Honestly, good company is a real gift for me. I love spending time with my kids, and am fortunate to do so during the Holidays and throughout the year, as we all live in the same city.

Food is a collective effort. We will have dinner together, but our focus is more on breakfast, as it is the favorite meal for all of us. This year’s menu – waffles with fruit or with an egg on top with hollandaise, served with Prosecco and orange juice, and fresh croissants that we purchased at a local French bakery, Les Moulins La Fayette . (Highly recommended – the croissants come frozen, so you just pop them in a cold oven the night before to defrost and rise, then bake them fresh in the morning. Amazing!) For dinner, shepherd’s pie, a meat version made by my eldest daughter and a vegetarian version made with jackfruit by me, sides include a couple of amazing salad concoctions and a home-made shortbread for dessert. Last year we had a barbeque and honestly, I’d share some fries, a cup of tea, or a glass of wine with family or a good friend, on a video chat, on Christmas Day, and probably will. Low key.

My point is, we seem to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to do what we assume is expected and may not even be expected. You may be flying on autopilot like I was. I also realized over the years that it is truly in our nature to give to others. We want to, because we care about others, particularly those less fortunate and particularly at this time of year. But what happens is this: we pick a card off a donation tree, donate to a local charity, call a relative or friend who lives far away, drop off a gift basket or food basket to someone in need, and the rest of the year it doesn’t happen. We have ALL done it, mostly unconsciously. The holiday season arrives, must be charitable, generous and keep the connection with friends and loved ones, then we are back to the old grind and it doesn’t happen till the next sanctioned holiday, because we just can’t or don’t make time and before we know it is Easter, or Thanksgiving, and we are back at Christmas. And of course, there is always that one person who seems to have time during July to announce that “All my Christmas shopping is done” and to remind you that Christmas is in 5 months.

I recall back in the day when I was involved in Girl Guides with my daughter. It was Christmas time and the girls were going to go to a senior’s residence to sing carols. We arrived, the girls sang, hung out, then chatted for a little while before leaving. All told, maybe 2 hours tops. The residents loved it, the singing, the interaction, the joy that these young people brought to the seniors and staff. But I wondered, two hours, once a year, it didn’t seem right to me. It is kind of like going to church on Christmas, Thanksgiving or Easter, then the rest of the year, not bothering at all. This experience was yet another moment that challenged me to think of what was important to me and why. I realized over time that for me, celebrating life, spending time with people I enjoy spending my time with, and giving to others in a way that makes sense to me, throughout the year, is what makes the most sense, and it is what I strive for.

So, this year give yourself a gift by creating new traditions and rituals that fill you up, not drain the life out of you. You don’t have to make a turkey, bake for everyone on the planet or even give gifts. You can do whatever you want and spend it with whomever you want. If the way you’ve been doing it so far, fits for you, fine, carry on, but if it doesn’t or you simply want to do something different, do it.

The truth is, you are a gift to your family, chosen family, your friends, old and new. And to that I say, I wish you much love and all the best in the New Year. A year filled with new traditions, moments that feel wonderful, those that rejuvenate your soul!