There is much talk of the concept of Mindfulness these days, bringing in positive vibes, believing in oneself, loving ourselves more. Particularly in the past 2 years, we’ve all been severely challenged – people are exhausted, spent, overstretched, stressed, or worse. We work hard all day long whether in a career, looking for work, raising a family, caring for others, keeping ourselves and our families safe. Stress is at an all-time high. Many of us have lost loved ones or faced one or more of the most difficult challenges of our lives. We are suffering as a species. Living paycheque to paycheque, with massive debt, working unreasonable schedules to make ends meet. Many are angry at the times we are faced with, suffering from anxiety, depression, and a lot of uncertainty.

This pandemic has challenged us to look at what we value, to believe in ourselves more, to spend time with ourselves, get to know ourselves, to reconnect with ourselves. To see our loved ones, to see humanity differently. To become more “Mindful”.

This revival of awareness is indeed a positive outgrowth of extremely trying times, but for many of us, this search for Mindfulness can become more of a quick hit rather than an ongoing process. Realistically, we often resort to things – outward stimuli, the superficial – something that can hold us over until we have more time and energy to really engage.

Part 2 of the Misplaced Mindfulness Series is all about the misconceptions and traps we fall into in the quest for becoming more “Mindful”. If you find yourself struggling, it may be time to reflect on the following examples and how they may be leading you away from your mindfulness goals.

Social Media

Every day there are thousands of posts on social media, many of which are affirmations. We’ve all gone down that rabbit hole, first one that really hits home, then another. You somehow feel heard, it resonates with you, maybe it’s bang on because it’s exactly how you have felt for a long time and never got up the courage to change the situation, thought, or feeling. You feel that you are not alone, someone else feels like you do. You get a brief hit of dopamine that holds you over. You feel better for a short period of time, then carry on with your day. It becomes a habit because your life is busy, you are overextended and eventually hit your limit again and disappear into the social media stream again because you are exhausted and spent. You find yourself losing a couple of hours here and there scrolling through posts and we all know, once you’ve looked, those posts multiply. Time passes and you are so engaged in that habit that practical action and responsibility fall by the wayside because, honestly, it just seems easier. But in reality, it only makes things harder.

Buying Stuff

There are thousands of them – indoor and outdoor decorative accessories, plaques, clothing, mugs, notebooks, all adorned with phrases like, “I Am Enough”, “I Am Worthy of Love”, “I Am BeautifuI”, “I Am Brave”.  But why should we pay for the affirmation, to embody the affirmation?  Buying stuff to remind yourself of your potential is a placeholder for manifesting that potential. While the intention of surrounding yourself with positive messages may be pure, these types of objects can actually prove counterproductive over time – guilt over money spent, unfair comparisons and expectations leading to self-doubt, avoidance of doing the real work, and over-reliance on only one element of what it takes to get you there.

You can’t buy your way into mindfulness. Not only that, it’s also expensive and if not locally produced, it may come from a country whose workers are just trying to stay alive, working in unsafe factories for a pittance, just so that you can be reminded to “Be Kind”.

Esoteric Overload

There are others who dive deep into everything esoteric. Esoteric products, practices, concepts, auras, angels, pendulums, tarot, astrology, stones, Yoga, Reiki, Living your Best Life Workshops, meditation. They become vegetarian or vegan, buy organic everything, always have a stone on hand, angel cards, or a salt lamp on their desk. They frequent a medium or tarot card reader, meditate or decide they are tired because of the energy vampires in their life. Although many have merit – facilitating awakening, raising consciousness – they do not supersede practical action when life, relationships, and your own self-worth are your responsibility and yours alone. You have to do the work because you are meant to live an awesome life that is unique to you, created by you. Use these practices as complementary tools, not as an end in themselves.

The Theoretical Abyss

Another type of overload is overdoing the theoretical, losing yourself in deep-dives that, like social media, steal away time from practical responsibilities and goals. You can easily become a career student in your quest for mindfulness. There is always something exciting and new out there to read, watch or talk about. While education is important, obsessive consumption of books, articles, podcasts can lead to a type of analysis-paralysis. Balancing the theoretical with the practical is challenging, but especially important as we spend more time at home and in front of screens throughout the pandemic.

Giving Yourself Away

In the name of being mindful of others, offering too much to others, being far too generous with our time, our money, our love, our friendship, our expertise, our loyalty, is a thing we all do at times because it is in our true nature to help and support one another. But it comes at a very high price and with no bonus points for being a martyr. Sacrificing yourself when we make it a habit of neglecting ourselves, avoiding our responsibilities, constantly giving in to other people’s needs, and prioritizing others at the expense of ourselves often leads to resentment. Exercising mindfulness towards others starts with having realistic expectations of what we can give of ourselves in a way that is sustainable, and long-term.

For the next part of this series, we’ll look at practical, action-oriented ways to regroup when your Mindfulness Journey gets derailed. 

In the meantime, check out  Misplaced Mindfulness Part 1 – Self Calibration and subscribe for the latest from The Practical Empath Blog.