Throughout most of my life I’ve experienced some anxiety. At times it was heightened due to a situation I was faced with or a compilation of a number of tasks and issues piling up, usually ones that I had resisted dealing with because they were emotionally loaded or the pile was too high to tackle.

But under that was something else, a realization that most of my anxiety stemmed from not listening to my inner wisdom, going against what was really right for me in each moment, that I was essentially creating inner turmoil and over time, with my awareness expanding, I began to notice how outwardly, within relationships and life experiences, it was present. A circular phenomena that was causing inner stress and anxiety and outwardly visible in my everyday life experiences and relationships, creating even more of a challenge to not get on the anxiety filled train. It was my inner wisdom desperately trying to get my attention.

Through my work and a lot of personal reflection, I’ve come to believe that anxiety often occurs, at least for me, when I am not grounded and centered within myself and I am not operating in the present but thinking of future scenarios. During these moments, my life force energy has scattered outward, leaving me feeling overwhelmed, anxious, finding it difficult to find a calm and focus within myself naturally, without much effort.

I have always felt awkward, not quite comfortable in my skin and it has taken a long time and a lot of hard work to really come into myself without as much fear and resistance, with an awareness, that it is an ongoing process. What has really helped, is a commitment to deepen my relationship with myself and to be mindful of what is best for me in each moment. Building that relationship, has given me access to an inner wisdom that guides me to a stronger inner foundation, that is authentic and more sustainable, with less anxiety, stress and better footing, as I walk through life.

Through inner reflection, I also discovered that my inputs and outputs were way out of balance. I’ve had to learn to love and give as much to myself as I give to others, to take a long hard look at the expectations of have of myself, are they realistic, am I burning the candle at both ends, am I neglecting myself, my value, my basic self care needs. All of which, I truly believe, is a driving force in my anxiety and suspect many of yours. How can you possibly remain calm, centered, knowing that everything really is just fine, when you are simply overspent and out of gas, to see anything clearly.

I’m not a big fan of medication. And, truthfully, those types of medication don’t sit well with me. I have been fortunate to have a very supportive physician who has encouraged me to find other means to support myself when the feelings arise. It is a complex issue to be sure, but my road to some answers and a little less anxiety came from doing inner work, looking at the cause and my own role in it – like accepting others as they are, and exploring what was working in my life and what was not.

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Through trial and error, I would like to share with you, “Three Steps to Calm Your Anxiety”. These are the steps I take when I feel anxiety brewing. Not always perfect, but I can honestly give these an 9 out of 10, (if I have enough presence in mind to remember to use them – and I’m definitely better at it, than I used to be!) So I would call that a win.

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1. If you are able, remove yourself from your current situation, sit in your car, another room, close your office door or go into the washroom. Somewhere quiet that you will be undisturbed. Take a moment to pause and take a few deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth and give your belly a little extra push to expell the air. Pause. This helps to reset and calm your nervous system.

2. Ask Yourself: What is best for me in this moment? Pause and listen or sense.

3. Take one, small and I mean small, practical step towards that guidance.

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These strategies can be used on there own or together. There is no wrong here, just finding what works for you. Pausing for a moment, to ask yourself what is best for you, over time changes your inner dialogue, outer life experience and is cumulative. It may feel tedious at first and even clumsy, but also over time, with practice, you’ll be able to find your way out of the overwhelm more quickly and with less effort.

Tackling things in this way, is ongoing, but the awareness gained has been instrumental in shifting my mind towards simple solutions, when my anxiety kicks up and, most of the time, it works.