Many spiritual teachers believe that it is only through meditation and mindfulness alone that we become more aware, more evolved, and have peace of mind. Then there are those who have more practical ideas of how to get there: journaling, coaching, or therapy of some sort. Us regular folks are just trying to figure it all out, to reduce our stress levels and transform our lives to a more balanced state that is more sustainable and more joy-filled, by becoming more mindful.

In either case, most of us find this a really stressful, overwhelming idea, one that kicks up a lot of resistance from the part of us that is quite happy living an imbalanced life, even though there is a huge part of us that is longing for something different.

Our mind jumps in, immediately reminding us it would require far too many changes and a whole lot of additional stress in our lives and, after all, we are far too busy and there are others more deserving of our time, money, and support. Perhaps unconsciously we think that since we don’t have time for ourselves, that doing for others will bring us some good karma, so for now, that will have to do. Inevitably this leaves us frustrated and angry with ourselves, too tired and perhaps fearful, to go after what is best for us, so we concede, and life marches on.

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Don’t get me wrong, meditation and a practice to create mindfulness or presence is a really important aspect of raising our consciousness and creating a more balanced, peaceful pace of life. The experts and social media tell us that if we do this or that, it will happen for us too. Outward sources tell us that creating a home and office environment that is zen is the key. The airways are flooded daily with thousands of affirming posts, which we rely on to keep us going. Many of us believe that being a convert to plant-based diets, wearing stones around the neck, our wrists, hanging them in our cars, wearing organic cotton, sustainably sourced and ethically made products, is an endgame to living a more mindful, spiritual, authentic existence. Promoted products and services aimed at helping you on the road to the new you–an evolved spiritual being–are plentiful everywhere you look.

For me, coming to a more peaceful, centered place is an ongoing thing, which, I now know, is a lifetime commitment made to oneself. Years ago, I made a promise to look at my beliefs, how I was living, what was out of sync, to understand and accept myself and others more. I strive to look at that most days, and there is still much to learn. Assessing one’s approach and level of commitment has to be looked at as well, so as not to contribute to the unbalance. You don’t want to become a workaholic in your attempt to become more mindful.

Truth is, the evolution of your conscious self and a mindful life can come to you in a variety of ways. It really is a lifelong practice and there is no outer quick fix. But with that said, there are situations, circumstances, people, and relationships that will bring you towards that mindfulness if you open yourself to the possibilities.

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Before my mom passed away, I had to have some work done on her house in Toronto. The two lads that we hired were young and constantly bantering with one another, very chatty. I commented that they were like an old married couple, razzing each other in fun, hilariously sarcastic. One of the guys said that they had been friends for years, meeting in grade school, then starting a business together after completing college. I commented that they were so refreshingly matter-or-fact, a quality that I really admire in people. He replied, “Yeah it’s a Toronto thing, those of us who were born and bred here. We are kind of like New Yorkers in our ways sometimes.”

I went into the house to get some lunch and was sitting alone when it suddenly occurred to me: I too was a Toronto gal born and bred, also a matter-of-fact sort, and there was a time when I prided myself on that. I had let conventions around me suppress that side over the years, and that disconnect was now patently obvious. I was, and could still be, confident in myself and in my self-expression. It was ok to be me.

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Lovingly learning from my family, my relationships, my mentor, my workmates, through classes and workshops I’ve taken, my clients, my students, strangers, and even the guys that installed my furnace years ago – you can always count on someone or something in your life to remind you of who you are and what you’re made of. Some will encourage you, others will challenge you, all have the potential to engage in a way that represents you authentically. Becoming mindful starts with deciding to become more mindful. Being open to the universe makes it all the more likely to succeed.

Join me in the coming weeks for Part II in this series.

For a deeper dive into how my journey began, visit the The Practical Empath.