It’s been a week into her stay at The Ottawa Civic hospital and she is scheduled to go home on Monday. They have determined that she is still able to do a lot for herself but they recommend that we continue forward with our plan to move her to Ottawa from Toronto. This is what she wanted and us too. I’m an only and my kids the only grand children, so we are all thrilled.

I am glad she is coming home, we all are, but I am nervous. A porter arrives to wheel mom down to the car as we follow with all her stuff. He says to me, “I see from you mother’s chart that she lives in Toronto, Etobicoke actually. “Yes, she does.” “Did you grow up there?, he asks. “Yes, I did, why do you ask?” “What high school did you go too?, West Humber Collegiate, I replied. “So did I,” he says. I’m thinking Wow!, what are the chances, today, with my mom, in this moment, in this massive hospital, with hundreds of patients, a guy that went to my high school is helping my mom get into the car, to go home, after a month long stay. This is awesome. This is what I call a sign post, he arrived at precisely the right time and everyone was where they were supposed to be in that moment. For me it is a reassurance that I am on the right track for my mom and myself.

We arrive home, with a fairly smooth transition however, the evening holds something new. My mom becomes increasingly agitated and unsettled to the point of hysterical. I believe that this has all been to much and it has finally caught up with her. I reach out to the on call nursing staff and they advise to have her brought back to hospital. So, we call the ambulance. When they arrive they check her over and all seems well physically, but they would like to take her in for observation. As it is in the wee hours now, the paramedics advise us to stay home, go to bed and come to the hospital in the morning. She is exhausted, we are exhausted, we comply.

After a few hours of much needed sleep, I arrive at the hospital. She is glad to see me, is alert but has no recollection of the hours prior to arriving at the ER. The gereatric co-ordinator comes by and tells me that this situation often happens. We speak of “Sundowning”, a condition affecting people living with Alzheimer’s and other dementia which brings a state of confusion occurring in the late afternoon and spanning into the night that can cause confusion, anxiety and aggression. She suggests a mild tranquilizer and a consistent night time routine that is calm. It is during this conversation that the word “Dementia” is mentioned. This is the first time it was spoken by the medical staff. Although I have suspected so for some time and hoped it wasn’t, this is her reality. I am devastated and pretty shook up.

Everytime there is a trip to the hospital, the news is a mixed bag of blessings, sadness and exhaustion but also moments that are uplifting, funny and clearly something else. It’s what I call spirit or the universe in action. Those moments that all line up. A chance meeting, a strong awareness or presence. Thank goodness this is the case, because we all need those moments to rejuvenate and recover emotionally. I will relay one such occurance. During this last visit there were a couple of women paramedics who I got talking too in the ER who told my daughter and I about an elderly patient, in their late 90’s, that they had picked up to take to hospital without life threatening issues. On the way, I guess they’d had a conversation about ice cream and decided, against regulation, that they would pick up some ice cream at Dairy Queen for their patient. Apparently, it made his whole day, possibly a highlight in his life. The paramedics were repremanded and suspended for a week, but she said she had no regrets brightening her elderly patients day and wouldn’t have changed a thing. Thank goodness for these two gals. It brightened my day too, knowing that there are people out there that are present, assess a situation and think outside the box for a moment and do something seemingly unconventional, that had results far reaching than they’d ever know for both me and their patient.

It’s been a few month’s since her heart attack and mom is been hanging in and we are getting used to the new reality. I am still noticing that her memory waivers and she repeats things ALOT. We have been back and forth to the hospital a couple of times with fluid issues in her lungs caused by the Congestive Heart Disease. I take her to appointments with Dr. Dick who tells us that her condition will deteriorate over time and she will get worse. He also recommends that we don’t travel to far from home here in Ottawa and definitely no trips to Toronto, as he wants to be sure that she is close, so he can carry out any necessary care here at the Heart Institute if needed. Mom is very upset about this and so are we, but we carry on.