In 1994 we spent New Years Eve here in Ottawa, at home with a dear friend and his two kids, our god children. It was the usual, kids running through the house, playing outside in the snow, getting into the dress up bin, adults enjoying a glass or two of wine and plentiful amounts of food. It was a great time.

Often thinking back, it was like a moment in time, actually a few days of slow motion time. We had let the kids stay up for the countdown into the new year, then got everyone settled into bed for the night.

New years day we awoke to a huge dump of snow that had happened overnight. The kids were so excited. We decided to go altogether out in to a nearby field to go tobogganing. It was the most lovely day, we were all together. I remember many of the conversations we had, the laughing and the joy of spending time together. On the way back to the house we met up with another family in the neighborhood and decided to meet up at our house for a pot luck dinner. All was wonderful, life was good.

A few days later I got a call from my friend, checking in, letting me know that their youngest daughter, who was 5, had come down with something, a cold or flu. Since the kids had been all together a few days prior, she hoped he hadn’t come do with it too. I then spoke to my god daughter about the movies we had just gone to see the day before and that was about it.

A day later, my son came down with something similar, stuffed nose, feeling tired, a bit of a fever. He was very restless that night, up and down. Eventually, I just climbed into bed with him.

As we settled in, I too became very restless, awake, asleep, awake again. I finally woke right up and realized that my wakefulness was something more. I looked across the room into the doorway and saw my god daughter standing in a lit space, she said, “I’m ok Auntie Bev, I love you.” and then she was gone. I must be dreaming I thought. I fell right back to sleep and never woke up until the morning when the phone rang around 7:30.

It was my dearest friend, the mother of my youngest god daughter, she was hysterical. Could I come to the house right away, Miranda was gone.

At that point, it was autopilot. I arrived at the their home about 20 minutes from mine. Most of it is a blurr, still. The fireman, the coroner, the shock. My main focus was to do what they couldn’t, be supportive in any way I could and do whatever was needed. They just weren’t there, they were somewhere else in the nightmare. I just needed to be present.

Tragedy does that, life experiences, unexpected and those that are not. They challenge you to be present in that moment and put your grief and emotions on hold while you make your way through the experience. You can feel more later.

When I finally arrived home later that day, amidst the shock, I realized that I had, had a precognitive experience earlier that morning. Later finding out that she passed away in the late evening before.

This threw me into another shock. What the heck had happened, what did I experience, why? Then came guilt of not knowing in time. Then came fear, was there something wrong with me? This was shocking to me and over the next few months I remembered as a young child having moments where I knew more than I should . But this, this was astounding. Looking to understand what I had experienced and to support myself in my grieving process I began looking for something to assist me in that journey.

A few months down the road, my friend let me know the results of the autopsy. All it said was, “premature death”. There was no illness. This was devastating for their family, the not knowing. I struggled myself with what to tell my children, I hadn’t an answer for them. How do you tell a child that you can die for no apparent reason? That’s nightmare making for all concerned. For the first year, I set my alarm once each night to check on my kids.

I can only imagine the effect this had on my friend and her family. I know that it has had a profound effect on me and my family and it took a long time to heal and come to terms with the loss of her.

This profound event was what facilitated my conscious journey of self discovery, when Reiki appeared in my life. It reoriented my perception and understanding of myself, expanded my consciousness and ultimately strengthened my inner connection with more acceptance, love and compassion.

I see now, how life’s experiences contribute to that, serving to force a presence that is often absent in daily life. Encouraging you to connect with your divine nature and inner wisdom, to embody yourself and live your life as you, the real you, without apology, through everyday occurrences and not just the difficult life challenges.